Hectic schedules can make it difficult to find the right time to talk to your children.  Teenagers are especially busy with the need to juggle both a social and academic life.  In the first of a two part series, I have created some tips to make it easier for parents to communicate with teens.  Approaching your teen in the appropriate manner can make it easier to establish a more fulfilling interaction.

     Don’t wait until your teen approaches you. Many teens won’t. Go to them and tell them you would like to talk. 

     Set a time to talk. Approaching them to talk might put them on the defensive and they may feel cornered. Tell your teen you would like to talk and discuss a time the works for both of you.  

     Eliminate distractions from the conversation.  If you are meeting in the house, shut off the T.V. or radio. Meet in a room that won’t have traffic coming through it. Give your child good eye contact and let them know that you are focused on the conversation because it is important to you. 

     Don’t give ultimatums. Discuss your concerns and possible consequences to behaviors. Try to come to an agreement on what is appropriate. Once you lay down the ultimatum the conversation is over. 

     Share your feelings regarding the topic of the conversation. It is okay to disagree with your teen and let them know your feelings. However, be sure to listen to their disagreements. It is okay to be firm on your values and your hopes for your child, yet, make it clear that you don’t stop loving them because they disagree. 

     Admit it when you are wrong. Say you are sorry if during the conversation you realize you were wrong. Your teen will respect you more and most likely listen to you more in the future. 
     Don’t interrupt your teen when they are speaking. It is disrespectful. Talk to them the way you want to be spoken to. Listening to your teen without interrupting shows them that you care about what they are saying. 

     Respect their privacy. While a parent might want their teen to disclose everything about their lives, most teens want their privacy. Cherish whatever they tell you and respect that some things are just for them. If your teen feels that you truly respect their privacy they are more likely to disclose more. However, keep in mind, if you feel your teen is not safe 

then prying might be warranted.  

     Don’t use absolutes when arguing. Try to avoid saying words like “always,” “never,” “all the time,” when talking about negative behavior. Those words are most likely inaccurate and they only make a teen feel like you only see the bad.  

     Use “I” statements to discuss your feelings instead of “you” statements. For example, state “I feel worried when I am not sure where you are at night.” instead of “You are never home on time and you worry me.” It sounds less accusatory when you use “I” statements and it will help keep your teen in the conversation instead of on the defense.  

     Take a break. Sometimes the conversation does not go the way you or your teen had planned. If you begin to argue or feel that you are getting to angry, take a break. Let your teen know that you want to continue having this discussion, that you love them, and set a time to start up again.  

     Developing and maintaining an open line of communication with your teen can be an incredibly challenging thing to accomplish.  Timing, approach style and mood can all play a part.  Following the steps I have laid out about can go a long way in helping you to establish the connection you want.