Many children under six years of age have difficulty controlling their tempers.  This is because they have not learned how to reason or compromise as a way of problem solving.  Although these children can understand that stomping their feet on the ground, hitting, or throwing an object across the room is not acceptable when they are calm, these maladaptive behaviors may seem like a reasonable alternative when they are angry or frustrated. Teaching a child how to cope with these strong feelings is a responsibility that every parent realizes.  It is important that these children learn how to problem solve effectively so that they can get along better with others. 

Note:  If your child is displaying aggressive behavior as a regular part of his day and it is disruptive to friends, family, and yourself, you may need to seek professional help in order to understand what may lie beneath your child's angry play.

     If you are concerned about your child's aggressive behavior, consider the following suggestions:

     Avoid modeling aggressive behavior:  Children watch our behavior closely.  This is why it is important to behave in a way that you would want your child to behave.  When a parent complains that their child is a yeller, I often ask the parents, “who yells in this house aside from little Johnny.”  Not surprisingly, one parent confesses to yelling when under stress.  Furthermore, hitting walls or throwing things teaches children how to behave aggressively when mad.

     Supervise Play:  When our children are playing with others we need to watch them play and correct aggressive behavior by replacing it with the socially appropriate way of getting along.  Tell your child what he/she can do instead of hit.  For example, he/she can ask an adult for help or say, "I'm not playing anymore."  The child can also walk away from the stressful situation.

     Point out biting and hitting when you see someone else doing it:  At a time when your child is not engaging in aggressive behavior but another child is, explain how it is making the other child feel to be bitten or hit.  This is done in order to help the child gain empathy by putting them in someone else's shoes.

     Compliment getting along:  Tell your child you like how he/she shares, takes turns, or asks for help.  Always be specific about what you are praising.

     Use Reprimands:  There are three parts to a reprimand.  First, you must give a command to Stop (Stop hitting!) Giving an alternative to hitting (When you are angry just walk away) and then provide a reason for stopping (Hitting hurts).  If your child keeps up the aggressive behavior utilize time out.

      Forget behavior when it's over:  There is no reason to review past behavior.  It just reminds the child how they can act in a negative manner.